I Broke the Internet

After posting that video of the dog blowing bubbles with its nose, I can't seem to find anything that's even remotely close to being as awesome. I think someone finally broke the internet.

OMG. No, wait. I just remembered that I never posted the most bizarre video I've ever seen.



I literally had no idea if the tears I was crying after watching this were of laughter or sadness.

Desperate Times; Desperate Measures

I think at this point, we should all invest in puppies.

See more Natalie Portman videos at Funny or Die

Bubbles

This is by far one of the best -- and weirdest -- videos I've seen lately. I think I've watched it like 5 times already and I found it like 3 minutes ago.



Wow, thanks internet.

Holy Crap

This kid just knows he's ridiculous.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

It's Only Fair

If Joe the Plumber gets tax breaks, so should Bob the Builder. Just sayin'.

Specs

So, apparently I don't sleep anymore. Anyways, I got these new specs, and every inch of me wants to wear them all the time -- ironically. Of course. Never without a speck of irony.

This is What Twitter Is For

So I've been trying to sell everyone on the whole Twitter thing, because I feel like a loser with no internet friends. I keep running across this Twitter, from "Michael Bay". Every day it gets better and better.





Seriously, go. My favorite? "I've decided to change the title to 'Friday the 12th: Revenge of Tomorrow'."

How could you not love that?

Robocop on a Unicorn

Only the internet could bring us an amazing photo set on flickr like this: Robocop on a Unicorn.

Or this mildly disturbing photo, which essentially destroyed my childhood after one glance:

I actually kind of love that someone broke out the watercolors in order to make that.

"Say A Command"

What is it about the voice dialing feature on cell phones that just make you want to swear? I always find myself hitting the button by accident and then yelling, “shit! fuck! cock!” into my phone to see who it thinks I’m calling.

Work Schmerk

Ah, the life of the Underworked and the Underutilized:

Mike: so what's on the docket for you today, Whitty?
Me: Hmmm
writing new blog posts
editing a site that I'm helping out with
shuffling some papers around on my desk
watching project runway
hiding projects I haven't done in drawers
mickles1013: radical
busy!
Mike: I’m sitting on a chair and thinking about eating cereal
me: oh, what kind?

We need real jobs.

Upside Down Dogs

I check I Can Has Cheezburger like two, maybe three times a day. It never fails to make my mood better -- I can hear their little cat voices and strange grammar in my head when I read the captions, really. (That is sad, but what's a blog without self disclosure, right?) But! I think that I’ve found an even better internet meme to occupy my time. These, my friends, are upside-down dogs.

Boxcars

So I guess I am going to the Red Bull Soapbox race in Denver next weekend – sounds fun. I’ve been making a concerted effort to do different things that I normally wouldn’t do – I’ve been spending time in coffee shops, at the park, at the Lyric, all places I never really went before. I’m just finding so many things to do instead of lay around and watch stuff like Felicity with my roommates like I used to.

Anyways, since I've divulged this information, no one go there and kill me, okay?

Awesome.

Some things are made to be great, like this Facebook Marketplace listing.

$0.05/hr - Jug Player, Wash Board Player, Kazoo Player, & Spoon Player
Listed by Larissa Smith on August 4th.
Jobs - Skilled Trade/Craft 0 views Report

We are looking to start a sweet ass band called Leaky Uterus. Need people who know how to play the Jugs, washboard, kazoo, and spoons. Pay is 5 cents an hour with a tootsie roll at the end of the night. ONLY serious offers wanted.Hours: Part-TimeThis job pays at an hourly rate

Listed at Colorado State.

This is Sand

I found out about this really cool website -- a great timewaster, if you've got it. It's called ThisIsSand -- remember those little colored sand creatures you used to make at fairs? Well, this is kind of like it. I made a picture, it's terrible, but you get the gist.

(Tips: double click if you want a constant flow of sand, or hold the mouse button down. Press the "C" key to change colors.)

Fail

Really, guy? Really?

We Got Screwed by Being Born in the 80's

When I was little, I had toys that I thought were great, like Lincoln Logs, Teddy Ruxpin, and this giant bouncy horse on springs that I always managed to pinch my hand in. Pretty cool, right? WRONG.

Kids these days can have a $300 fucking Triceratops wander around their playroom. Life is so not fair.



I'm starting a lemonade stand and saving up for this. Mark my words.

Look at Me! Look at Me! Look at Me!

I just remembered that Blogger has a video upload function. This is cool. Here is a video of some of us on our way downtown Denver -- watch it 'till the end; Colin and Kyle are hilarious. Also, sorry if you hate me after watching it. Actually, sorry if you hate Michelle for screaming so much.

Just in case you didn't watch it, (which you most likely didn't) here's a picture of a monkey with some baby tigers.

Follow Me

Ok, honestly, is anyone in this bloody town on Twitter? It's another one of those narcissistic internet things that I seem to be into, and, erm, everyone else on the internet has one, so where the hell is yours? So who is willing to get a Twitter account so that I wouldn't have "0 Followers" on the side of my page anymore? And hey! We could have inside jokes with each other. ON THE INTERNET!!! I'll pass you a note or something in Trig if you want, too.

But really? Anyone?

http://twitter.com/WhitD

A Lesson Learned

So -- I have some crazy friends. Some are more crazy than others, like my friend, er, well ... it's better if you don't know.

[redacted] : want to hear hilarous story?
so the three of us meet these two girls from out of town
we hang out for the whole night, having a good time
amazingly, they are willing to come back to my house with the three of us, despite them having to ride in a [redacted tiny vehicle] to get there
[redacted]: so we're leaving downtown and this homeless guy is like, 'you need some weed?'
and I'm like, yeah!
Me: oh jesus
[redacted]: yeah
so anyways, I follow this guy, he lead me behind a corner, tells me not to bring the four other people with us
Me: oh fucking a
[redacted]: I give him the money, he goes around the corner and then he comes back
and takes out of his mouth and gives to me, a crack rock
Me: NO
EW hobo spit!
[redacted]: and I'm like 'what the fuck am I going to do with this!?'
I wanted weed!
so he is like, “okay give me this back,” and puts it back in his mouth!
and then he returns with two dollars, and I'm telling him how that’s not going to cut it
Me: [REDACTED]!!!
[redacted]: :)
Me: this is what you get when you try to buy weed from a homeless man!
[redacted]: so he's like 'okay I can sell this' goes around the corner and comes back with like four dollars and I just called it a day
I was like, fine, whatevs, I made bad decisions
me: how much did you give him???
[redacted]: $30
got back $9
Me: Hah!
[redacted]: THEN...I get back to the girls and turns out that one of them freaked out about me buying weed and was like 'I just want to go back to the hotel'
so not only did we lose money, not get weed, we also got no pussy
Me: hahahaha
[redacted], you are a crazy motherfucker
[redacted]: yeah in retrospect it sounds like a bad idea

So there you go kids. Lesson: don't buy drugs from the homeless.

Who Gives A Fuck About an Oxford Comma

Sometimes I just look random things up on YouTube to see what people say when they're commenting. So when I looked up the lyrics for a Vampire Weekend song, this comment caught my eye:

this song is about givin out about a pretentious nd vain person. .. . the person
caring about the use of an "oxford comma"(serial comma)again wit "all ur diction
dripping wit disdain" meaning sum1 talking condescendingly about grammar then
the reference to the dalai lama nd those who hav criticised his english &
the references to "check ur passport" nd applying chapstick is again about
vanity lyk check ur passport photo nd cover cracked lips nd again wit "adjust my
tie" as in the person is thinking about presentability nd slightly neurotic. . .
. . nd finally wit show ur paintings at the UN is again about bragging nd
vanity. . . . . anyone agree?

Most certainly, anonymous internet commenter. Most certainly.