Ah, fuck.

Honestly, am I going to post this drunk?! I think I am!

1:34 when I started this,

It's CINCO DE MAYO! Considering my German/English/Scottish heritage, I should be drinking excessive amounts of Cerveza Y Tequila. Right? Right?
Really? I'm not genetically designed to be taking tequila shots?!

I fucking.............. need to stop drinking this much! And the worst part was that I found the best links today (thanks to David) and was going to post them, and instead watched "The Chronicles of Narnia" and fell asleep on the love sac.

So, when I realize what a drunken posting mistake I've made, I'll post a full story and pics, complete with links.

I love you, faithful blog reader.

Love,
Whitney

:|

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

I just have to keep telling myself that.

The train....

As promised, here is the video of Mich and Heather gettin' down...



Also, for those who didn't partake, here's a video of 4/20 on Farrand field...
http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1683849/

It looks like I'm obsessed with it, but I'm simply mystified since I didn't do the whole 4/20 thing.

You want to see real-life Mario acted out on a stage? Wow, I must be psychic, because here you go:
http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1685760/

Finally, I have got to get this t-shirt. This is my reality.

That's all for today... I'm gonna go put on my pajamas and lay on things. Hallelujah.

Song of the Day: "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel.

Thursday morning...

This nugget of glory was what I found waiting for me at 7:15 this morning.




David: whitney
David: we must find and watch this movie
David: http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3768
David: http://i.somethingawful.com/mjolnir/images/pantsfish~varney33.jpg
David: yes, that's a screenshot
David: and it is jim varney (they guy who plays Ernest)
David: and he's covered in oatmeal

I'm frightened. Very frightened.

Ergh

I wish blogger would quit screwing up my format. It looks so pretty when I write it out and then bam! Pink mess.

:(

Mission: Insane.

My life has gotten so boring lately that all I have to post are pictures of Tom Cruise chugging olive oil. He could be chugging purified placenta and I don't think anyone would think any different. That man is crazy.

Don't get the placenta reference? Here you go, you unwitting goon:

http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2006/04/tom-cruises-secret-ingredient-is.html

Looks like Letterman likes the taste too.




Ashlee Simpson has reportedly gotten a nose job. I can't really tell from the pictures I've seen, but I never thought I'd see the day when Jessica Simpson looked like a hobbit and Ashlee didn't.


Well. I said that I would post more pics from the toga party, and here you go: me with a guy who had "boner" tatooed on his arm.
















I was going to post a video of Mich doing "the train" but YouTube is down, so I'll put it on later.

I suppose after my hellish Thursday, it will be time to get drunk.

Song of the Day: "Step into my Office, Baby" by Belle and Sebastien

Scotland the brave?!

You'd have to be pretty brave to wear this. Sarah Jessica Parker wore this tragic tartan over a beige strapless gown recently at The Costume Institute Gala. I'm not sure why, the dress itself is very pretty, although a bit too beige for my liking. Did she look at herself in the mirror before she left and think "jesus, this plaid blanket makes me ooze glamour!" or were the horrified screams of her stylist just muffled by the crinkling of all the material?!

The world may never know. How did this woman get picked to represent the oh so glamorous Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City?

Well, I'm out. I've got to read for a test that one of my professors has nicely scheduled two days before finals weekend.

Song of the Day: "Romulus" by Sufjan Stevens.

That's *NOT* hot...

"In between brushing off questions that require answers which make sense, putting bikinis on her dogs, and talking about why she loves European men ("because they're European"), Paris Hilton just dropped her next huge announcement on Ellen.
She is no longer saying "that's hot." She, like everyone else, is so over it. So she racked her brain for weeks and weeks to come up with a replacement one-liner that will do the job of branding her without forcing her to pronounce anything too difficult. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, Paris Hilton's new phrase is:
"That's Sexy."
Immediately erase the passé word "hot" from your vernacular and start stepping it up with the sexy new phrase or you will never be allowed to enter Buddah Bar again." Source: Jossip.

As much as I love to hate Paris Hilton, I just can't. Especially after watching episode after episode of the Simple Life on E!. It's so awesome seeing her clod around with her size 11 feet, and realizing shes just as awkward as anyone else. She's just bloody rich. Also, I think Nicole Ritchie is a badass. By watching that show, I have learned the most invaluable way to get what you want: call everyone "sexy" or "gorgeous". It really does work. I'll be at the bars and will call the bartender "gorgeous" and lo and behold: more to drinky.

Not much else to say, today is a pretty slow day for me. I'm just going to study a bit later and try not to get myself too wound up over finals next week.

Toga! Toga!

So, last night was the toga party at Aubrey's. It was awesome how everyone went all out on their outfits. Me, Heather, and Michelle all matched each other, with different colors. I don't have a picture of all three of us, but I do have a few random ones. I ended up getting completely smashed and walking from our house to another party, in our togas. On the way over, Mich and I realized that we could have changed.... it was just so much better that we didn't. I'll post more pics later if I get them.


<----- Pale legs in all their glory.

My friend Mac and I watched the move Spun on Thursday. All I have to say, is don't do meth. Holy shit. These people would stay up for days upon days just doing rails and then crashing and then doing it all over again. It makes me so glad I don't do that shit.

An interesting link: People after years of drug use:

http://www.drugfree.org/Portal/DrugIssue/MethResources/faces/photo_4.html

Holy shit, speaking of drugs, if you haven't seen these photos of Pete Doherty injecting heroin into an unconscious girl, here you go:

Fucking ridiculous.

In other drug news, the Boulder police department is trying to get kids to narc on each other by posting pictures of people smoking on Farrand Field on 4/20. They're offering 50 bucks a head. Holy shit, if I had no integrity, I'd rat all of these people out. However, I do, indeed, have a conscience. And I don't know anyone anyways.

http://www.colorado.edu/police/420_Photo_Album/index.htm

Last night...

I had so much fun last night! Went out to dinner with Tyler and then walked down to Old C's to watch the Avs game. I got my ID checked pretty hardcore -- the guy who was checking them knew me, his roomate is friends with my roomate. Anyways, he let me in, so it was cool. Drank a few beers and Tyler and I decided we weren't going to get drunk without spending too much money, so we left and got a bottle of vodka and took pulls in the parking lot. We ended up leaving Old C's to go to Tony's. That place... is disgusting. They were letting in the grossest people. Not that I'm one to discriminate, but I swear to god, I think I saw a homeless man. Anyways, drank a little there, went home. Took care of Mich's drunk ass, she was hilarious, passing out with the lights on and running around looking for people who weren't there. Pretty fucking fun.

Being able to go to the bars is killing my bank account.

Mac called me today at noon and was wondering if I wanted to play beer pong. Seriously?! I think I was still drunk.

Anyways, toga party tonight... we'll see how that goes.

A Dream...

So I had the craziest dream yesterday and I wrote it all down. Ignore the fact that I'm completely crazy... and that I wrote this upon waking up.

Surrounded by movie stars, Rob Lowe and Winona Rider. On a talk show. My life is great, there's an attractive young man who won't show me his face. We go to a grocery store and that woman... from Pleasantville, Joan Allen, shows me all these things that aren't real in my life. She says that the perfect world I live in is just in preparation for another world that is much more cruel. I look at the boy with no face, and realizing I love him, (and don't want to live in this outside world that they have created) refuse to believe her. She shouts that I must become "realized", that my perfect life was just one on a conveyor belt of buttons, manufactured so that I would be ready for the real world. That was my other job, inspecting buttons on a conveyor belt. I refuse to wake up, refuse to believe, and they take me on to stage two, for the non-believers. I go with my movie star friends to a place with an escalator. I get on, and as it is steeply approaching the end, I realize there is nowhere to go once you get to the top. I try to jump to the side, but all the walls close, blocking me in. Joan Allen gets right in my face and tells me that I'm not living this glamous life, and that this is not real. I refuse to believe her, and I see the boy with no face coming up the escalator. He is like me, who is lost in a faceless world that was created for him. He stops at the top of the escalator, and goes through the same thing as me, but instead sees me struggling with "realization" and refuses to "wake up". He doesn't want to leave this perfect life he leads, doing the exact same things as I do, just one minute behind. They put us together in order to hopefully get us talking to each other, so that we will convince each other to wake up and face the real world. He then decides that he loves me, he always has, it has just taken him one minute longer than me to realize that. He decides to help me escape, and he will do the same, just one minute later. Now that we have refused the paradigm and won't be introduced into THEIR world, we have super human powers within the context of their building. We can jump higher, run faster than all of them. I test it out, feeling him (real) and feeling someone else.... my hand passes through them and then stops, kind of as an afterthought. I jump into action, with him creating a diversion and me running out of the building. I jump 20 feet out before realizing I am in the real world, and none of these special powers I acquired will work. I skid along my belly for a good 10 feet before stopping, feeling real pain for the first time. I then spend time escaping the people from the buliding over and over again, until I get so tired of running that I go to my mom. She drives me to a house where they stick me back into the program, of my beautiful life and job inspecting buttons in order to reprogram me. As I sit there, being told that "this is better" by some woman, a heart made out of buttons comes rolling toward me. I look up the line and see the boy with the most beautiful face smiling at me and know it's going to be alright.

Poorly written, but then again, my dreams have never been the most coherent.

Don't get it twisted...

So there seems to be another "Good Bloggie" blog on BlogSpot. Not only do I feel completely unoriginal upon learning that, but I feel even worse knowing that it's maintained by someone who says "golly" and posts pictures of their grandmother. Not that I don't like grandmothers. I'm just not into that, but if you are... more power to you.

If you haven't downloaded "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley yet, you had better get with the program.

Leggings?

I don't know how I feel about this whole "legging" craze. I mean, didn't I wear these in the fourth grade? And wasn't it out of style then?
I love Lindsay Lohan, I really do. Well, I used to, when she was composed of more than two percent body fat. And I'm all for the spray tan, we pale girls need to stick together. But honestly, this is a travesty.
So to sum up: leggings, questionable. Spray tan, questionable. Doing rails of coke until you waste away to nothing? Definitely not good.

First Post

So I decided to start this blog because of the outrageous amount of random shit I find on the internet every day. I figured if at least one person was as bored as I am on a regular basis, they could reap the full benefits of my short, pop-culture driven attention span.