Holy Crap

This kid just knows he's ridiculous.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

It's Only Fair

If Joe the Plumber gets tax breaks, so should Bob the Builder. Just sayin'.

Specs

So, apparently I don't sleep anymore. Anyways, I got these new specs, and every inch of me wants to wear them all the time -- ironically. Of course. Never without a speck of irony.

This is What Twitter Is For

So I've been trying to sell everyone on the whole Twitter thing, because I feel like a loser with no internet friends. I keep running across this Twitter, from "Michael Bay". Every day it gets better and better.





Seriously, go. My favorite? "I've decided to change the title to 'Friday the 12th: Revenge of Tomorrow'."

How could you not love that?

Robocop on a Unicorn

Only the internet could bring us an amazing photo set on flickr like this: Robocop on a Unicorn.

Or this mildly disturbing photo, which essentially destroyed my childhood after one glance:

I actually kind of love that someone broke out the watercolors in order to make that.

"Say A Command"

What is it about the voice dialing feature on cell phones that just make you want to swear? I always find myself hitting the button by accident and then yelling, “shit! fuck! cock!” into my phone to see who it thinks I’m calling.

Work Schmerk

Ah, the life of the Underworked and the Underutilized:

Mike: so what's on the docket for you today, Whitty?
Me: Hmmm
writing new blog posts
editing a site that I'm helping out with
shuffling some papers around on my desk
watching project runway
hiding projects I haven't done in drawers
mickles1013: radical
busy!
Mike: I’m sitting on a chair and thinking about eating cereal
me: oh, what kind?

We need real jobs.

Upside Down Dogs

I check I Can Has Cheezburger like two, maybe three times a day. It never fails to make my mood better -- I can hear their little cat voices and strange grammar in my head when I read the captions, really. (That is sad, but what's a blog without self disclosure, right?) But! I think that I’ve found an even better internet meme to occupy my time. These, my friends, are upside-down dogs.

Boxcars

So I guess I am going to the Red Bull Soapbox race in Denver next weekend – sounds fun. I’ve been making a concerted effort to do different things that I normally wouldn’t do – I’ve been spending time in coffee shops, at the park, at the Lyric, all places I never really went before. I’m just finding so many things to do instead of lay around and watch stuff like Felicity with my roommates like I used to.

Anyways, since I've divulged this information, no one go there and kill me, okay?

Awesome.

Some things are made to be great, like this Facebook Marketplace listing.

$0.05/hr - Jug Player, Wash Board Player, Kazoo Player, & Spoon Player
Listed by Larissa Smith on August 4th.
Jobs - Skilled Trade/Craft 0 views Report

We are looking to start a sweet ass band called Leaky Uterus. Need people who know how to play the Jugs, washboard, kazoo, and spoons. Pay is 5 cents an hour with a tootsie roll at the end of the night. ONLY serious offers wanted.Hours: Part-TimeThis job pays at an hourly rate

Listed at Colorado State.

This is Sand

I found out about this really cool website -- a great timewaster, if you've got it. It's called ThisIsSand -- remember those little colored sand creatures you used to make at fairs? Well, this is kind of like it. I made a picture, it's terrible, but you get the gist.

(Tips: double click if you want a constant flow of sand, or hold the mouse button down. Press the "C" key to change colors.)

Fail

Really, guy? Really?

We Got Screwed by Being Born in the 80's

When I was little, I had toys that I thought were great, like Lincoln Logs, Teddy Ruxpin, and this giant bouncy horse on springs that I always managed to pinch my hand in. Pretty cool, right? WRONG.

Kids these days can have a $300 fucking Triceratops wander around their playroom. Life is so not fair.



I'm starting a lemonade stand and saving up for this. Mark my words.

Look at Me! Look at Me! Look at Me!

I just remembered that Blogger has a video upload function. This is cool. Here is a video of some of us on our way downtown Denver -- watch it 'till the end; Colin and Kyle are hilarious. Also, sorry if you hate me after watching it. Actually, sorry if you hate Michelle for screaming so much.

Just in case you didn't watch it, (which you most likely didn't) here's a picture of a monkey with some baby tigers.

Follow Me

Ok, honestly, is anyone in this bloody town on Twitter? It's another one of those narcissistic internet things that I seem to be into, and, erm, everyone else on the internet has one, so where the hell is yours? So who is willing to get a Twitter account so that I wouldn't have "0 Followers" on the side of my page anymore? And hey! We could have inside jokes with each other. ON THE INTERNET!!! I'll pass you a note or something in Trig if you want, too.

But really? Anyone?

http://twitter.com/WhitD

A Lesson Learned

So -- I have some crazy friends. Some are more crazy than others, like my friend, er, well ... it's better if you don't know.

[redacted] : want to hear hilarous story?
so the three of us meet these two girls from out of town
we hang out for the whole night, having a good time
amazingly, they are willing to come back to my house with the three of us, despite them having to ride in a [redacted tiny vehicle] to get there
[redacted]: so we're leaving downtown and this homeless guy is like, 'you need some weed?'
and I'm like, yeah!
Me: oh jesus
[redacted]: yeah
so anyways, I follow this guy, he lead me behind a corner, tells me not to bring the four other people with us
Me: oh fucking a
[redacted]: I give him the money, he goes around the corner and then he comes back
and takes out of his mouth and gives to me, a crack rock
Me: NO
EW hobo spit!
[redacted]: and I'm like 'what the fuck am I going to do with this!?'
I wanted weed!
so he is like, “okay give me this back,” and puts it back in his mouth!
and then he returns with two dollars, and I'm telling him how that’s not going to cut it
Me: [REDACTED]!!!
[redacted]: :)
Me: this is what you get when you try to buy weed from a homeless man!
[redacted]: so he's like 'okay I can sell this' goes around the corner and comes back with like four dollars and I just called it a day
I was like, fine, whatevs, I made bad decisions
me: how much did you give him???
[redacted]: $30
got back $9
Me: Hah!
[redacted]: THEN...I get back to the girls and turns out that one of them freaked out about me buying weed and was like 'I just want to go back to the hotel'
so not only did we lose money, not get weed, we also got no pussy
Me: hahahaha
[redacted], you are a crazy motherfucker
[redacted]: yeah in retrospect it sounds like a bad idea

So there you go kids. Lesson: don't buy drugs from the homeless.

Who Gives A Fuck About an Oxford Comma

Sometimes I just look random things up on YouTube to see what people say when they're commenting. So when I looked up the lyrics for a Vampire Weekend song, this comment caught my eye:

this song is about givin out about a pretentious nd vain person. .. . the person
caring about the use of an "oxford comma"(serial comma)again wit "all ur diction
dripping wit disdain" meaning sum1 talking condescendingly about grammar then
the reference to the dalai lama nd those who hav criticised his english &
the references to "check ur passport" nd applying chapstick is again about
vanity lyk check ur passport photo nd cover cracked lips nd again wit "adjust my
tie" as in the person is thinking about presentability nd slightly neurotic. . .
. . nd finally wit show ur paintings at the UN is again about bragging nd
vanity. . . . . anyone agree?

Most certainly, anonymous internet commenter. Most certainly.

Whoopsie Daisy!!!!!!!!!!111one

Ok, so, whatever, I haven't written in ages. I mean, I've been really busy, okay? Feeling sorry for yourself takes a lot of time out of your day.

Anyways, I suppose that before I launch back into this whole "blogging" thing (oh, I'm so Web 2.0!), I should update you on what's been going on in my life.

I am still working at the same job as before. I can't complain -- I get paid well, I can work when I want to, and it's really easy. But I can't help feeling like I'm treading water. I just want to get my damned life started. And looking for work in this economy? Forget about it. Marketing's usually the first thing to get cut in most businesses. Funny, it seemed like a good idea the FOUR years I was working towards my degree.

Last week, I was able to make it to Austin and go to Austin City Limits, one of the biggest music festivals in the country. It was so amazing -- five stages, three days, with over a hundred bands. I got to see almost every band that I missed by living here. Wanna know who I saw?

- Vampire Weekend
- Jamie Lidell
- Gogol Bordello
- Hot Chip
- N.E.R.D
- The Swell Season
- Manu Chao
- Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
- CSS (Cansei de Ser Sexy)
- MGMT
- Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band
- Iron & Wine
- Beck
- Flyleaf
- Silversun Pickups
- Gnarls Barkley
- Tegan and Sara
- Foo Fighters
And then on Monday, we went to Emo's, and saw The Presets and Cut Copy.

My friends and I are trying to coordinate a New Year's Eve trip to New York City -- which would be super fun, but also so, so expensive. Could you imagine how fun that would be? Well, fun and cold. But still. Liquid jackets and all, it's bound to be a good time. This is going to make me sound like such an alcoholic, but my favorite part about vacations is that you can abandon all pretense of being a productive member of society and just booze when you choose.

I probably should have put this at the top of the page, but my friend Mike has graciously offered to redesign 'ol Good Bloggie for me. He said it will take until the end of the month, but I'm willing to wait. That has been half of the problem for me -- my blog looks so damned generic. Hopefully, after the redesign, I'll have something impressive. Fingers crossed.

And, for the more exciting addendum to that paragraph, I have been helping Mike with a brand new website -- Awesome Society . It's a men's interest site, with product recommendations, articles, and reviews. It's got a really nice, clean look, and hopefully it can start competing with some of the bigger sites out there. I'm helping edit the content on the site (but haven't for a week, don't hold me responsible!) and am responsible for the general tone. When the time comes, he is going to launch a similar site for women, and I'll be completely in charge of that. It's nice to have something different to do for once.

Anyways, I hear the rumblings of everyone else, which means that if I'm not working (or looking like I am), I'm going to be in a world of trouble. Expect more soon!

Mercury Rising

This is pretty much the laziest way to blog, but geez, I've been busy lately!

A repurposing of Mark and I's conversation on Bloc Party's new album, Mercury.

Mark: whats up?
Whitney: I finally listened to intimacy
Mark: finally? why did you wait?
Whitney: because i had to wait until someone else bought it and sent it to me...
:x
Mark: ugh....see if you were speaking to me I could have sent you the link Thursday morning
2:27 PM Whitney: well
i wasn't
Mark: c'est la vie
so what do you think?
Whitney: exactement
i like it
Mark: how much have you listened to it?
2:28 PM Whitney: it's so funny because we've come to expect greatness and when they veer off the path, it's harder to deal with
Mark: b/c I felt like I like it at first, but its only grown on me
Whitney: just a few times
i have listened to signs like 100 times already, which is so weird, because usually i hate the slow songs at first
it just builds
2:29 PM Mark: I love that quote about expecting greatness
2:30 PM Whitney: thanks
it's true though!
Mark: yeah it really is true
I listened to AWITC last night, and Intimacy isn't really all that experimental
2:31 PM Whitney: yeah?
Mark: several songs are (Mercury, Ares) but I felt like Intimacy was a natural progression of the band from AWITC
Whitney: of course
Mark: I almost feel like they didn't go as electronic as they could have
2:32 PM opting more for the electronic feel that U2 and Snow Patrol have that plays well with rock in live settings
Whitney: the fucking hook in "One Month Off" sounds like Uniform
absolutely, i was expecting more electro
I don't think they wanted to alienate anyone
2:33 PM Mark: I agree, and so much of their success is due to Silent Alarm, they can't just abandon it
you know what shocks me more than anything? is how personal and sappy these lyrics are
Whitney: yeah? like what?
Mark: I was reading them last night as I listened to the sings and they aren't the steely double entendres that Bloc used to rock out
2:34 PM more than half the songs on the album are love songs, sappy love songs
Whitney: that's interesting
AWITC was a bit political, as well
I'm not sure about this one
2:35 PM (like Hunting for Witches)
Mark: Kele has called this his 'breakup' album in that he was going through a breakup when he wrote it
http://www.blocparty.net/halo.html
2:36 PM Those lyrics are just so...mundane
Whitney: hmmm
yeah
"Behind your eyes were stars
Infinite and serene"
riiiiiiiiiiiight
2:37 PM Mark: thats what I'm sayin!
I mean...you could put these lyrics in a JoJo song and nobody would notice
Whitney: hahahah
but!
in Kele's defense
2:38 PM when you're going through that kind of shit, your perspective is so skewed
you can't see the other side because you're going through it
Mark: oh so skewed!
Whitney: i couldn't write sappy lyrics if i tried, but i could when i was going through a breakup
Mark: very true
2:39 PM I read some things post breakup and was like, wow, this is awful
Whitney: hahahaha i know!
you just get so hopeless when you're in The Shit
Mark: I also get pleasure out of knowing that all these lyrics are about two gay men and prctically nobody knows it
2:40 PM Whitney: ahha
honestly

This Looks Appropriately Quirky

This movie looks awesome.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead Film Trailer