Augh

I freaked out about this picture, because it's amazing... but how mysogynistic is this title? I mean, I think I'm pretty freaking funny, put me in a magazine or else!

Ahead of its time...

You guys, Pete and Pete was so ahead of its time, it's not even funny. I have to watch old eps of it, does anyone have a good site?

Amazing: Quote Edition

My friend Melissa has the quickest wit. She's so fast with her comebacks and quips, and sometimes she really pulls out some gems, like this one:



We were at the Rio this Friday and had just gotten our margaritas. I saw a friend from high school that I hadn't seen in a while, so we went over to talk to him. Melissa mentioned to one of his friends how glad she was to get a drink, and he asked her, "why, do you have social anxiety???" to which she responded, "no! I have sober anxiety!"

Pretty awesome.

The Show

I'm not sure why I didn't post this song when it came out -- probably because I thought it was too cutesy and the video was too gimmicky, but people didn't really latch on to it like I thought they would. I heard it on a trailer for a movie that I can't remember, but it's adorable, so here you go.



Also, how beautiful is that set?!

A Take Away Show

I could be fine with not posting anything for the rest of the week because of this video. I love it so much.

#91.2 Noah and the Whale - Episode 2
by lablogotheque

How amazing is this photo?

I dig it a lot.

O Hai

Just using my new iPhone. No big.

Man, I am a messy child. Also, this is the biggest picture I've ever posted of myself on here, and it's just so typical that it's of me lookin' homeless. Eeep.

Sure Am.

MORE PUPPIES?!?!

In an effort to keep you updated on all things puppy-related, there's a new live puppy feed. They're Miniature Schnauzers, which, eh, but we can call it the mini-puppy-cam. They're out right now (to lunch?! a nail appointment?! who knows!) but I'm sure they're adorbz, as all things tiny are.

I'm a Jerk

Ummmmmmmmm.... I pretty much can't contain myself. I feel like a little kid this x-mas, because... WhitDizzle is gettin' an iPhone.

What a jerk, right? I totally don't need it and hesitated to even ask for it, but now that I have, I'm more than stoked. Double pumped.

Nerd city, baby. Population: me.

Awwwwwwwwwww

I should really re-name Good Bloggie to "Stuff No One But Me Likes", because man, I love stupid stuff. But this, this is something I think everyone can love. Because it's animals falling asleep. I'll repeat that -- an entire website devoted to cute things falling asleep.

Thanks, internet.

Whoa.

There's no way all these people can fit, right? Wait for it... Wait for it...

Cheetah Lady FTW

Not that I'm sitting at home on a Friday in the internet, cause I'm not, but you guys HAVE to watch this video... It's totally normal that a grown woman would be wearing a cheetah-print onesie and be talking about wanting to live in a "condo-minium", right? Right?

Alt Dog

I don't know how many of you read Hipster Runoff, but if you haven't, you should. It's this (semi) satirical look at "alt" and hipster culture. For those of you who read it, do you find yourself thinking in Crls-speak after you've closed the window? Because I always do and then I get embarassed -- not just because it's ridiculous, but that I could be speaking in any type of internet shorthand.

Anyways, there was a hilarious post up of a previous post about this dog whose owner dresses him up all ridiculous, and this dog, you guys! It's so cute! It thinks it's people!!!

I mean, come on. How insanely adorable is this dog?!

Everyone should probably count themselves lucky that I don't have an animal right now. Because I would totally be doing shit like this.

Sleepy Day

Sorry, I'm not awake enough to think of something to say about this video, but check it out, a bunch of bears, waving!

See more funny videos and Funny Videos at Today's Big Thing.

OMG

I can't figure out if I love this because it's adorable, or if it's because I'm really hungry.

The Waiting Room

I was waiting for my friend Mark to keep up his blog a little bit more before I plugged it, and he's been kicking ass lately. Mark is my most long-term, enthusiastic reader. He would yell at me when I didn't post anything this summer, seriously. Anyways, he's started his own blog, The Waiting Room (which has to do with his nickname, "Dr. Mark", that he's not sure how he got). So if you're in the mood to read something else today, head on over.

Oh, and this one of the best parts of his blog right now (it's even on the sidebar):

Priorities for Whitney's visit in March
1. Cut Copy concert
2. Salt Lick
3. Texadelphia

The Salt Lick is supposedly this epic BBQ place in BFE, Texas, that we didn't get to last time. Texadelphia is like heaven on earth: amazing cheesesteaks with bbq sauce and sweet cherry peppers, or queso and jalapenos... omg. And! They have $1.50 Lonestars all day long. When we went to ACL, we would hang out in the air conditioning drinking ice cold Lonestars until it was time to see the bands we liked. Amazing. And of course, Cut Copy, who I think I will go down to Austin specifically to see, and then probably see again in Denver because I can.

Things Bears Love

I just love the internet for stuff like this: someone actually took the time to make and post cartoons of things that bears love. The site is awesome, and appropriately titled.

The Mayercraft Carrier (and I'm not joking)

Do you have $25,000 to spare? Do you loooooove John Mayer? Well, you're in luck, because you could ... go on a cruise with him. Well, not just you, tons of other Mayer-lovers too. I mean, because there's nothing better to spend your money on during a recession than cruises with John Mayer.

How Much???

Do you CSU folk remember when Common came to our school? Confession: I had a Monday night management class, and brought a giant Subway cup filled with Sprite and vodka in with me, got drunk during class, and then met my friends at the concert. Surprisingly, that was the only time I was drunk in a class (barring hungover drunk). Anyways, according to this site, which lists the amount a musician or band demands for each performance, he gets $50,000-60,000 for each performance. That's nutty. I guess it really is lucrative to be a famous musician.

If Only

Freshman year, I parked my car overnight on a street right by my dorm. I didn't really use it much, because I lived and ate on campus, so a few days later I went to retrieve it from the street. It wasn't there. Before panic set in, I noticed a sign that said something to the effect of "NO PARKING NIGHTS FROM ELEVENTY A.M. TO BLERGITY A.M. ON DAYS ENDING WITH 'DAY' "... or something to that effect. Really, it was because they swept the street on Wednesday nights and wanted people to move their cars out of the way. So I call my dad up, fuming (my dad is famous for getting me out of tough situations, like being stuck in Palermo, Sicily, and arranging plane tickets out of there with my credit card) and he takes me to the tow place. We get there, and it's this ramshackle trailer, filled with smelly mechanics, at least three children, a blaring television, one slow-moving and very grumpy woman, and about 6 other freshmen. Needless to say, I wasn't about to scale the fence to retrieve my car (though I did think about it), so I paid my 90 bucks to get my car out of hawk. I go around back to get it, and what do I find? Two parking tickets, stuck to my windshield with ice.

So I don't like tow trucks so much, even though I was the idiot that parked my car in a "street-sweeping zone".

And I wish I was this lady:

Facebook, It's Not Me, It's You

Oh, hey Facebook. Good to see you again, kind of. I just wanted to get you alone and, well, maybe you could shut the fuck up a little bit.

Listen, I didn’t get you at first. I thought you were a weird place where I was supposed to join groups that my friends were in, like, “Bonin’ in the Library!” and “I love Frosted Flakes!”. Which I did not and I do not, respectively. Then you added photos, and it pretty much spiraled out of control from there. There are 1,948 photos of me on there, Facebook. I’m not exaggerating, either. This is not my fault. This is yours. Where else can you post 60 pictures of one night and have it be acceptable? You know where. And really, is it necessary? No. The answer is no, it is not.

We’ve really got to talk about this whole “relationship status” thing, too. Cause, honestly, kill me. I’ve been in a platonic Facebook relationship with my (girl)friend Meatball for about two years now. But still, it doesn’t calm the pang of crazy that I get whenever I see that an ex of mine has a new girlfriend. Not at all. So maybe we should all keep it to ourselves, right Facebook?

Oh, and the People You May Know feature? Maybe you should rename it to People From High School That I Will Probably Never Friend Ever. Because I won’t. If I’m not friends with them through the Facebookverse, then we’re probably not aware enough of each other to become fake internet friends.

While I’ve got you here, maybe we could chat about statuses. They’re like AIM away messages from the future, right? Because I guess Dave Matthews quotes still apply to some people. Having things like “FINALZ R HARD” run from my eyes to my brain is difficult for me. People are dicks, Facebook. People are dicks with nothing to say, and giving them a platform on which to say nothing is a bad idea.

I mean, I love you. I really do – quit whimpering, you’ll fry your servers. Listen, I just think it would be nice if I could quit you. But I can’t, Facebook. I just can’t quit you.

This is the truth.

Kevin: finding a job is a lot like how guys hit on girls
you need about 100 prospects to get 1 result

Ah Man...

This is actually really, really sad. Apparently, at the beginning of her pregnancy, Jamie Lynn Spears started gaining weight and wasn't sure why, so she begged her mom to get plastic surgery in order to shed the pounds:

"She didn't know she was pregnant when she filled out the health questionnaire prior to the procedure," a second source reveals. "Her mom approved the injections and went through tons of red tape to get the clinic to administer them to an underage patient."..."Any form of liposuction is dangerous and should not be performed on a pregnant woman," plastic surgeon Dr. Gary Burton tells Star. "It poses serious health risks to the fetus."

Why a mother would let her young daughter get surgery instead of just letting her work it off naturally is beyond me.

Ted?

I mean, I knew it was happening, and the guy has to retire sometime, but I've got to say how not excited I am for Jimmy Fallon to take over for Conan O'Brien on Late Night. I mean, I don't really watch it, because I live a sad, boring life, and go to bed early, but I adore Conan and his quick wit. And sure, I used to loooove Jimmy Fallon when he was on SNL, but that was only because I was going through puberty and loved every boy ever when I was 12. Anyways, I was watching this "vlog" that he made in order to get people ready to watch him giggle thoughtlessly for the next few years, and I was so confused why Ted from How I Met Your Mother was on the screen. Seriously. I knew it was Jimmy Fallon and everything, but I was struck by how little I had seen him since he left Saturday Night Live. God, maybe he can do some stunt double work for the guy who plays Ted or something if Late Night bombs.

Recaps

I know I've been plugging these recaps forever, but they're so amazing you guys! Like this one, I snorted. I laughed so hard that I snorted.

"Um. Oh, yeah. Spencerina [ed note: this is Richard's nickname for Spencer's sister, Stephanie]. She was dating this guy named Cameron who I think works in the professional idiot business. I think he's a top executive, actually. Corner office. Idiot secretary, idiot copy machine. Just wall to wall idiots. So that's nice for him. It's nice to work with like-minded people. But Spencerina was having problems. You see she can't quite figure out the alchemy that is Getting Airtime. Should she be dating? Not dating? Friendly with Spencer? Not friendly? Lauren's homegirl? A whispery snitch? You want the cold hard truth, Spencerina? Frankly, be prettier. There's no real science here, my love. It's just that simple (and that hard). Also maybe learn how to express a coherent mind grape. Just in general. For general life's sake.Anyway she ended up trying to cry when she dumbly broke it off with Cameron, Idiot at Law.

So that was a scene that happened on this show once. I like to think that the people who cobble this little shitshow together are just like doing each other's hair and smoking cigarettes and drinking sangria at this point and not really paying attention to the fact that the experience of watching the show has become something like walking slowly through a carwash. If they are trying, like really hard, to make f'ing Spencerina interesting, well then shame on them."

These recaps, as a commenter noted, give you the gift of 28 extra minutes in which to live your life. I mean, if you aren't parked in front of your TV anyway.

Gangster Kitties

I don't know who made this, but they should be rewarded. Catnip or something.

More Puppies!

Mark, maybe I was wrong about people wanting to watch another set of puppies on the puppycam, because here they are, and they're only a week old!!!

Gossipy

The other day I was telling my friend Kevin about the gay A-List celebrity rumors that floated around Hollywood all the time, and recently, I ran across this little gem. If this happened to me I would die of hilarious:

There’s an urban legend that’s gone around until no one is sure who it happened to, or if it happened at all. It was late one night, a few years ago, when a young man was walking through Union Square Park. He suddenly felt someone behind him, their hands over his eyes. When he turned in surprise, there was Bill Murray, his creased face leaning in close. Bill whispered, “No one is ever going to believe you,” and then just walked away

Amazing, right? I hope it's true, and someone turned around to Steve Zissou's crazy face.

Rentskies

So it's no secret that I'm a big time slacker and live with my parents after graduating college. But! I got a webcam in order to video chat over Gchat with my friend Mac, who lives in London, and I just had to use it for this purpose.

So my dad's study is right next to my bedroom, and we share a wall. He plays guitar almost every night, which I'm totally used to... but it still gets pretty ridiculous having someone playing guitar all the time coming through your cracked door. One time even, when I was massively hungover, I wake up from a nap to this "EEEeeeEEEEEEeeeEEEEuuuuuuuhhhhhhhEEEEEeeeeEEEeeeeuu" noise, and it turned out to my my dad's friend, who plays the BAGPIPES that was over. Bagpipes! Fuck! Anyways, I was trying to watch The Office tonight, and my dad was just going nuts on "House of the Rising Sun", so I made a video about it.

(You're gonna have to turn it up, this is the first video I've ever made, so I'm talking really quiet. And there's a weird squeaking noise, I'm not sure what to do about that.)



Jesus you guys, I feel like this:



And if you're even going to talk shit about my messy room, you can fuck off, because you obviously don't know me very well.

Puppy Cam

I don't know about you guys, but I never thought the puppies were going to grow up. Ever. Like, I was totally convinced that once these little guys grew up, they would just switch them out with new ones. Bad news: the puppies have grown up. They're 8 weeks old now! And that means that people are going to start coming and getting them! As soon as this weekend. It's kind of sad. Anyways, someone compiled a "tribute video" of the little guys, so you can relive the glory that was this meme for like 4 weeks.



(I just painted my fingernails this shade of like, dayglo yellow and I can't stop looking at my fingers when I type so this post took twice as long to type out. It's obscene.)

I'm A Zombie

I'm really tired today, kids. It's probably the snow (oh jeez, I just realized that very few of my readers live in the FTC now, that's depressing), of which we got 5 or 6 inches, that's making me so tired. Honestly, all I want to do is get stupid drunk in the middle of the day and the fact that I have no Baileys to sneak into my coffee saddens me.

Here's a comic about zombies.

But really, about a year ago, we had a snow day like this, and Melissa and I took off work at like 2 and went and played in the snow. It was amazing. We had margaritas in mugs:

(Mac, can you believe I still have that hat?!)
And then we played with innertubes/pickup trucks/dangerous ideas:

And then we took shots of Patron in the middle of the street because no one was around.

Holy crap, who wants to have a snow day with me?!!?! 6inches of snow and no one to spend it with!!! AAAAAAA!

I'm the worst employee ever.

Omgggggg you guys pugs.



Ps: does everyone remember when I would write well thought-out posts? Me neither.

Marmoset, Marmoset

This was so good that I had to post it on both Keubs and here. Like, who are the people that make these videos?!

Brain Party

These are freaking awesome:

An RC controlled Zombie and a plush, dismemberable zombie.

Edit: Also this, even though it's real scary.

Liz Lemon FTW

30 Rock has always been one of my favorite shows. It's witty and ridiculous and snarky, all while being socially relevant and intelligent. One of my favorite quotes came from the most recent episode with Steve Martin (who I admire and adore), goes something like, "Ugh, and meeting someone new? All the nodding and smiling and sibling listing! And what’s the upside? It works and you have to have a bunch of sex???"

Anyways, I was reading the Vanity Fair article about Tina Fey, and her character Liz Lemon, and this quote stuck out to me (I wonder why):

Lemon noshes on “off-brand” Mexican cheese curls called “Sabor de Soledad”—“taste of solitude.” When forced to choose between a great man and a great sandwich, she puts the sandwich first.

Atta girl.

If you see Amy?

So how many of you totally love Britney Spears now after watching her documentary on MTV? A little bit more, right? Of course, MTV hasn't been carefully cultivating her comeback for 2 years (starting with her disastrous performance where she "broke her heel", which was probably supposed to be her original comeback but she was still in Crazytown so it didn't work out, and officially beginning with her showing up and winning like 5 awards at the VMAs this year followed by a completely humanizing hour and a half long documentary). Anyways, her new album, Circus, has leaked like crazy, and it's not horrible, because pop music never really is, on the surface at least. So when I heard this song, I just had to look it up, because it made zero sense.



Listen to the words:

Love me hate me
Say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are beggin’ to If You Seek Amy
Love me hate me
But can’t you see what I see
All of the boys and all of the girls are beggin’ to If You Seek Amy

When she's saying "if you seek Amy", she's really saying "F.U.C.K. me". This is even better than that, erm, self-love song she put out on the album that she had out when I was in high school. Right? I dunno, I mean, I guess you can't look too much into Britney Spears songs, but I giggled.

Oldest lolcat ever?

So, someone found this as a postcard in an antique shop, and it's from 1905. Could it be that I Can Has Cheezburger is just one giant ripoff??? Say it aint so!!!

"What's delaying my dinner" is the new lol for 2k9.